I Feel the Weight of the World Today

I Feel the Weight of the World Today

by Riles (early 2018)

I'm surprised the trees haven't yet marched against me.
Because I'm slowly losing my grip on this rope that is humanity.

Sometimes I feel like there's no more music to make.

I feel life slip from me with every step I take.
I feel I can't find the motivation to escape from under the ice of this frozen lake.

It's almost like

I am blind, blindfolded, and sitting in the dark,
Trapped on an island surrounded by sharks.
With crashing waves smashing these sharp rocks,
There are no more boats tied to these desolate docks.

I'm sorry.

There won't be any hopeful end to this verse; I am sorry.
Actually I'm not. Really. I'm tired of apologies.
Do you ever feel as though you're driving your own hearse?
That what always saying sorry feels like constantly.

Tragedy.

On days where Kung Fu Kenny keeps me sane,
I'll try to find what exactly the meaning is of pain.
What hurts more? Emotional or physical?
It's all the same to me. Pain is just whimsical.

Thats all.

A capricious feeling that decides to be there some days, and ceases to be all the others.
So much pain. That of my brother's, that of my mother's, and that of my grandmother's.
All different kinds. Though all still pain?
Pain takes many forms I suppose.
It stays. It strikes. It flows.

Toxic.

These people around me don't make anything better.
Just think about it. How could they ever?
An environment where everything just screams "Hate your father"
Can really make a son question why he even bothers to try anymore.

And it is asked why I like my time alone?

I don't see the point of loving others these days, but I still do anyways. Why?
What is it that makes me do that?
Perhaps it's the way I was raised.
My father taught me that. To love others anyway. Ironic.

Harbingers.

Are humans harbingers of pain?
Humans brought pain into the world. So I think we are to blame.
Whether its a bullet to our own brains or a word of hate into someone else's.
We cause pain.

That's how it will always be.

At least to me.